I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
