dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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