margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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