when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
