I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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