i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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