with your own penis?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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