It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
