Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize