i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
