I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
