Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
