mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This beer is not sobering me up at all
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
