mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
