Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
