apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
