she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
