So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
