No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize