First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
