Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
