he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize