Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
