walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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