Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
