I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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