So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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