bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
