That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The air was thick with penises
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
