i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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