do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
