You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
