I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
