I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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