Ambien. No doubt about it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
