Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
