Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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