if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
