The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
