guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
