how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
