im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
