there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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