Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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