I have demons in me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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