It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
