just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
