I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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