I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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