he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
