Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize