God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
