just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
