I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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