Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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