weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
