I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
