Moan for me like Helen Keller
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
