Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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