Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had sex on a roof
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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