after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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