We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
