I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
