You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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