If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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