Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
