well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
