my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
