i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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