thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
