what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
