I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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