I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
