Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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