i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
