She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
