Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize