Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
