I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
