i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
