just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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