Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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