You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
