i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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