If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
where are my eyebrows?
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