I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
