I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
