I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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