I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize