i already hear my dad disowning me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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