Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found your dick twin last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
