The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
