I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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