i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
