did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
