i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
