I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
