Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
