I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
