Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
