Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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