Don't you send me to vm
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
