I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Floor bacon is actually really good
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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