I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
