At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my sisters under your porch take her home
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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