better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
