New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
