Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
