this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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